parenting without milestones

parenting without milestones

I’m not ashamed to say that when I first became a mom I had nooooo idea what I was doing (I don’t even think I know what I’m doing now, lol). I had somehow been on top of things knowledge wise with regards to pregnancy but I somehow didn’t read up on what actually happens after the baby is born – what a moemish!

This has led to unknowingly “adopting” my current style of parenting without milestones. What this means is that I haven’t read up on what my daughter “needs” to be doing by a specific age, I don’t know which “skills” she needs to have mastered by when. Both my daughter’s dad and I lean towards this style, as first time parents we are taking each day as it comes. Every parenting style has it’s pros and cons, no way is perfect.

Surprises
Excluding milestones from Mpilo’s life means that everything new skill that she learns surprises me and this is such a treat! She is at an age when her language is developing and I am so amazed at the things that she knows. So this means I get to celebrate every new thing that she does!

Less pressure
This way of parenting allows me not to put pressure on Mpilo to have achieved some skill by a certain time. Because I don’t know what she is meant to be doing, I don’t get anxious on whether she is lagging behind or not. An example I can think was when she was about to walk. There was absolutely no pressure put on her to walk, we encouraged and congratulated her trying but that was as far as it went. She eventually started walking properly at 13 months.

Not knowing not when things are not going well
One thing that does worry me about parenting without milestones is that I won’t know if she has some developmental issues. But I am choosing to trust my gut feel and mom instinct when it comes to that one.

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2 Comments

  1. August 29, 2019 / 15:59

    Mpilo my fave! This is a good approach and i think your community (her dad included) deserves props as well because it’s so obvious that most mums and babies experience such pressure from external sources tracking and keeping tabs on milestones that have NOTHING to do with them. I think your instincts have served you well so far and you and her baby doctors will know if there is a time to worry. Your parenting posts are very insightful bandla.

    • Lungi
      Author
      September 12, 2019 / 09:52

      Thank you Nomali. Parenting is a wild ride

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